we’re all such a crush of want half-mad with loss
but that’s not true, is it?
or is it.
Where were you at night? No one knows. Don’t try to answer–for the love of God. I don’t want your answer.
but I do. Sometimes. Sometimes I wonder about you–who you are. What you hear and what is in your hand at this one moment.
With empty hands
The white and black cat is crying–she always cries. She is old and can neither see nor hear well and wants to know we know she is there. I’ll go tend to her–give her fresh water in a china cup–and go to bed soon. Then she will feel as though all is secure. Or she will act as though she feels this way.
With nothing to talk about
And I will tell myself the story about the old cat that feels secure right now, in this moment. And I will drift off myself because I will feel secure, or at least a tiny tiny bit more secure. I’ll forget all that–and you know what I mean–all that which keeps me awake. And I’ll sleep.
My soul breaketh for longing
quotes from Nick Cave, Clarice Lispector, Psalms