Vegas, Desire Part 2?

3 10 2010

With a shower of rain

I suppose it is possible I have pica.

And the dead tree gives no shelter

Though I am taking a multivitamin, with iron and folate included, on a daily basis.

Purifier, place me

So my absolute craving to consume the sand and stone of this Nevada desert should not be from pica.  Should not.

Their foot shall slide

And today, as I drove out from Vegas just after sunrise, I saw the cactus and agave and desired to lay down and be pierced and I saw the cliff and I desired to drive off.

in that immortal, unfailing world

place me

This was not a desire for suicide.  I know that because I’ve experienced that sort of desire (which is not really desire at all–but rather more of a vacuum sort of thing).  It was desire for, OK, I’ll say it, a sort of Unification a sort of ax taken to the frozen sea within to take Kafka out of context.

the world is aflame!

All that sort of throwing of oneself, of consuming of being consumed, by the soil by the hills.  The fantasy of the birds resting upon one’s body, as part of what they do day by day, as they rest on trees.  This is wanting to be apiece with it all.


What I imagine the successful Buddhist practitioner, the successful yogi, the successful mystic, perhaps, to have achieved is a pure openness of that frozen sea so that it flows between what was once a self, and what was once the world.

your ecstasies have shone forth

All this, of course, without complete annihilation.  That is what makes the individual practitioner successful.

thirst has come upon

Of course, in Vegas, down in the casino, in the shows, on the Strip, one feels the freezing of that sea inside intensify.  The individual becomes more separated, more individualized.  And all the booze, and gambling, and naked bodies, rather than opening one up, serve as a severing knife.

the god that holds you over the pit of hell

loathes you

all is burning

thirst  has come

let it fly forth


quotes are from T. S. Eliot, The Rig Veda, The Fire Sermon, Jonathan Edwards




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