There is a reason I want to enter a Buddhist convent.
My heart’s deliverance is unassailable. This is the last birth.
There is a reason I’m giving myself the gift of revisiting this idea in 15 years.
Now there is no renewal of being.
Here we are in the wheel of suffering. All that lives suffers.
In other words, all is Duhka
which is untranslatable but which we call suffering.
I make no sense
Here is something more concrete for you.
She looks alive but she is dead.
Do you think the girl should write it down, or/should she smother it?
all beings suffer–doesn’t that help you make sense of it? the end of suffering?–what about that?
watch/the flashing stitches of my scalpel. It will answer–/it will connect us with blood
I did pick it up
there is blood on my hand
but just a broken feather
this bird sat in my lap and I breathed with it and I felt….
You will be found wanting/
On the I-5, in the noise and the speed and wind and this tiny quiet sense of borderlines between life and death and me and other things
And, you do not make rich the soil.
Where what I am needs to not invade what the other is. Where all I have is warmth. Where I am all alone except I’m not.
may all beings be free of suffering
And, you are not capable/of feeding fish and birds with your corpse
I’m inclined to find that the deep spiritual-philosophy behind the most basic aspects of Buddhism help me see the fissures rather than the masking. But. I am new and naive. But, I reject, from deep in my gut, any sense of spiritual arithmetic. For example
we suffer because of original sin
you are suffering because you have accumulated karma–he will be born a lower form in his next life because of the karma he is accumulating.
(lower?! Lower! really…)
These are both about the human need to find meaning. I don’t believe in meaning.
Is this masturbation or possession?
Is it possible/allowable to use/investigate the methods without this sort of arithmetic? Is is possible/allowable to encounter some of that internal unifying sort of thing without pretending to accept hierarchy, or retribution?
What if night vision?/Nevertheless, we see it. You are hallucinogenic or visionary
Now that we are rapt–score us. Use the knife.
With the fire of passion, say I, with the fire of hatred, with the fire of infatuation; with birth, old age, death, sorrow, lamentation, misery, grief, and despair are they on fire.
quotes are by The Buddha, Kristen Kaschock